And . . . We're back!
Hello again, Isidrites! Well, not really again, since we've been huddling together in the dark for the past year or so, but the blackout has ended and that means San Isidoro's favorite newsletter is back online! I can already see the smiles on your faces. Anyway, so much went down during the blackout that we're running a news special on it- TALES FROM THE BLACKOUT: FOND MEMORIES FROM THE BI-DECADE BLACKOUT, which starts sometime next week. Keep your eye out! For now, though, I've put together a short update of matters around town that you might want to catch up on:
- Hydroterrorism is at a record low thanks to the vigilance of the San Isidro Neighborhood Inquisition, which is just a fun name for our neighborhood watch and nothing more. Shame on you for thinking otherwise.
- Local butter manufacturer Uncle Panbread's is hiring, as per plans for a new expansion! Those interested can inquire at Panbread's HQ along 36th and 27th.
- Beloved police chief Mike Sanchez was killed in a tragic accident involving a cake mixer, only a week after he promised to speak out against an unknown group he claimed he had been investigating. Said investigation has since been dropped by the San Isidoro Police Department (S.I.P.D.) for fear of further cake-related incidents. It is yet unclear how he was involved in an appliance-related accident while the power was off.
- The notorious Sewer Bandit is finally undergoing trial this week after emerging from his medically-induced coma. Footage from the trial is available on San Isidoro Public Access on a pay-per-view plan.
- A local man was found dead in his home in a advanced state of decay, suggesting the deceased had been there for a while. Cause of death was stated by the town coroner as an electrical shock from sticking a metal object in a power socket, and not a wildcat attack, as previously suspected. The wildcats had fed on his body postmortem.
- The local water tower is undergoing maintenance, after structural damages caused by the storing of deceased tall, bald men in it caused the left leg of the tower to break down. The S.I.P.D. has been fined, because as one local puts it: "It was their damn idea in the first place!"
- The #lastdayofpower trend seems to have caught on all around the world, except for some reason they're only putting the # part and not the lastdayofpower. Either way, The Conversationalist is proud to once again say we were first. Innovators in our field.
- Did I mention the power was back on?
And that's it for now! Keep up with The Conversationalist for hot post-blackout news as it happens!
I see the Light!
Frank Ocules
Editor-in-Chief, The Conversationalist* San Isidoro U.S.A. and proud!