SCS Running Rampant in Town!
The elderly and faint of heart in San Isidoro are currently being treated for the side effects of being in close proximity to citizens infected with SCS. Residents with serious heart ailments such as broken-ness and incapacity to love are highly encouraged to stay away from public places and other establishments where SCS is known to thrive in such as the newly declared Independent Day establishments.
For those unaware, or those who have chosen to believe that SCS is a hoax, the St.Richie General Hospital has declared that SCS is now an epidemic in our fair town. We here at The Conversationalist have been risking our lives out in the field to bring you up-to-date information on this highly infectious epidemic.
SCS is commonly known as
Imiditiousromanticitandemdegradatitus
or scientifically known as Spontaneous Couple Syndrome, but only doctors, trained professionals and nerds use this term. As the name implies, SCS is a sudden ailment that affects two individuals who have been in close proximity. The symptoms usually become prevalent over the course of two weeks, but signs have been observed to occur as early as 2 hours in the case of patients under the age of 21. SCS is dangerous in so as that it is a stepping stone for other diseases. SCS, in itself, is completely non life threatening as its symptoms are similar in nature to that of the emotion fear. The bodies of those afflicted enter a state of fight-or-flight, but only when in contact with the partner that they were infected with. When contact occurs, the afflicted couple will engage in distasteful and shameful acts of physical intimacy and emotional vulnerability that can only be described as "utterly shocking." Studies have also shown that 100% of those who have been infected with SCS have died. Scientists are still working on a cure, but this epidemic is truly rampant here in San Isidoro.
We will bring you more updates as this story develops, for the meantime, lock your doors and stay indoors. And most importantly, stay alone and away from people who you may be attracted to. *This article could use a lot of work Jumbo. I've seen better work out of a monkey with a broken typewriter, and the money had already been beat to death by the clown that owned him. I see some improvement Jimmy, but you're still a ways off from being a true reporter. -Frank