The Mysterious Fur-Man: Man or Myth?

The quaint neighborhood of Northgreen Groves is in a frenzy after sightings of a strange creature dubbed only as the "Fur-Man" have put citizens on high alert. So much, that a town meeting was called in the middle of the Mayor's scheduled extended snack break to discuss the matter. The Mayor opted to continue eating his extended snack during said meeting, citing multitasking as an essential skill for public servants. Needless to say, the gathered populace had no shortage of ideas regarding this threat to our fair city.

One local theorized that the creature that had been going around consuming people's trash and occasionally people was simply an overgrown wildcat, with a stimulated growth pattern enhanced by eating the nutritious leftovers stuck on discarded Uncle Panbread's wrappers thrown out by households.

Another local suggested that perhaps the high mercury content in tuna diets popular with the upper class could have led to eyesight problems that had locals mistaking a common wildcat for such a fantastical beast. He was immediately dismissed from the meeting, since this theory makes no sense whatsoever.

One thing all could agree on, however, was the appearance of the strange fur-being: A tall furry form walking on two legs, with reflective eyes that glint when exposed to any sort of light, presumably an evolved safety measure adapted by the being to scare away hostile drivers and perhaps streetlights.

Mayor Dunwal has promised to not rest at pursuing any leads on this offensive beast until it is brought to justice, telling The Conversationalist that he is currently in talks with some of San Isidoro's premiere trap-makers to devise a way to capture the cunning animal.

"Look, I'm not supposed to tell you a lot about this, but we got this one plan that I feel has tons of potential. You know how the thing hungers for our, err, meat? Well, we need some sort of bait, and it looks like we might have a use for all those corpses stored in the ol' water tower after all!"

Best of luck with that, Mayor. Then again, how can you expect to keep a whole neighborhood safe when you couldn't save my Mike?

Jerkwad.

McKenzie Ewalds (Formerly Sanchez) of The Conversationalist